I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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