I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
