i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just found puke in my bra..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
