somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
