i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
