I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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