We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
