why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
