he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
