my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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