mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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