So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
