walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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