Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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