I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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