allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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