This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
