I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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