i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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