I just threw up on my dentist
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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