My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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