Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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