so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize