Did you just see the Batmobile???
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
