I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
