I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
