my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
