Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
