he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there is puke in my bra ... again
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