Little spoons don't ask big questions
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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