I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
