I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
