ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
