I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
