you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
