That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
