haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
