You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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