The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
