so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
