Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
