I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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