ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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