my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
