He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
