Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
