1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize