If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
