Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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