Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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